Poetry

Diary of Love

By DIANNE LUMIBAO | Published: January 14, 2011

- what will you choose? to have a heart , whole but numb or a heart that is broken but real?

for me i will choose to have a heart that is broken but real ...

i will not be afraid to love and to be loved,

and to enjoy life, with the people closest to my heart

can anybody tell me how to move on and let go of the person you loved and valued the most !!

almost two years ago, i had my first boyfriend... i admit its quite a whirlwind romance... at the age of fifteen i thought i had found the one... the one i will spend my life with... so crazy!!

every second with him, it feels like cloud nine...

i remembered our 3rd month anniversary, in front of him i sang GROW OLD WITH YOU...

but the magic of that song did not work, our 3rd month anniversary became our last:

3 &1/2 months is too short but when we broke up it seems i lost one person i'd spent my life with since birth...

I believed his my first love even though some would say... its just a young puppy love,

we always fight, and in every fight one of us said... "AYOKO NA" but at the start of an another day, one will also say, SORRY, and that sorry will be accepted, but one day on november 2008... the word AYOKO NA stood by what it meant... we ended our relationship ,

he found another one in a glance... but me, even i stare and spend hours staring, i did not find in my heart the words LET GO & MOVE ON ..

one day when i got home, mom said to me, "what's wrong?", I answered... we're over... WALA NA KAMI...

and my mom replied... ANONG MALI? i whispered AKO DAW! PALAGING AKO DAW... and i walked away...

my mom saw and witnessed our love with each other , we opened our house to him... yes our relationship is legal...

every weekends he always comes to our house... and it happened to be a weekend routine for me...

a few months after we broke up was one of the hardest months to deal with...

but at the end of the day, that's life... another crazy thing... i tried to use someone else to move on... and the worst is i hurt not only myself, but another man, who was willing to be a shoulder to cry on!!

i lose him also, the same way i loose my first love...

... and notice almost years later i'm typing this note, a note full of love and memorable experiences... and it's too crazy to laugh with those happy and weirdest moments. now I can say i'm beginning to be mature and to be broad-minded individual.

and im sure you want to ask if now i moved on?.

all i can say is, even though we let go of the past... i'm happy that once in my life i experienced to be in love, to be loved.

i remembered what one of our professors told us "LOVE even though others are not!"...

and also just wanted to share that now were ok... but it's not US and I believe that destiny will find its own way to look for the one... the one worthy enough... and the one who will we brave and strong enough to fight for what he knows and feels is right. For my part I'm so happy that finally I can say with 100% sincerity that "I'M OK"...

but still i care... because what we had in in the past will never be erased nor change.